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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Nasali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal


Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa
gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa
nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal.
Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang
iba kundi ang fastest-rising household
service s manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang
mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday,
matanong ko lang, how did you come up
with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman
maintindiha n yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based
on a probability distribution function
that involves integrating up to an area
greater than or equal to that random
number which should be generated between
0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday : I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa
lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change
the outcome if we’re to open a case each
time I blurt out a number as opposed to
opening each case immediately one after
the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga
mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy
tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan…
Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten
ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time
magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that’s not the way
I was taught in grade school. You see, I
was taught that we should only use the
comparative form of the word or add “ER”
to the adjective if we are comparing two
things. And since it is only the first
briefcase that we are going to open, we
have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?
[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso…
Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday : Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan
ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long
have you been doing this? Have you ever
encountered a value that is lower than a
peso in this game? Tell me, is there any
value left lower than the one we just
opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang
nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20
buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiiritana]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga
case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can
you tell Banker that I’m not interested
in his first offer. In the history of
this game of chance, I have yet to see
someone accept a first offer from the
banker. It’s quite pathetic and
pretentious for contestants to pause and
look around the audience as if asking
for advice before ultimately rejecting
the first offer. I mean come on, isn’t
that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit
sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig
ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa
Deal or no Deal.

… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at
mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na
natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino
ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo?
Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman
pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening.
I’m a fan. I choose number 12 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 12?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the
hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!
[ang laman ng briefcase 12 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong
lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr.
Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again
boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong,
give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9
if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok
with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong.

Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi
sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang
kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa
reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng
commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig
para kay Inday.]

Nagkatiti gan sina Inday at Ederlyn.
Nakangis i si Ederlyn habang hawak ang
briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas
luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday : What? Can you speak up? What are
you mumbling up there. Can somebody give
her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama
ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at
umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan!
(naiir ita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang
briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.
Nangh inayang ang mga audience… Ang mga
natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K,
and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong
at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please
forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni
banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya,
Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang
composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni
banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami
siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na
ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?
Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may
kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga
audience ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”,
ang iba naman ay “Deal”.
Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo
we have only have 5 cases left, and
among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit
na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my
own thinking?

Natamem e si Kris, pati ang audience ay
natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa
sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at
the reality of the situation, 80% of the
cases left have at least 49K less than
the banker’s offer. The only way I can
do better than what is offered is that
if my case contains the 500k or I’d get
to open one of the four lower values.
But I have to keep in mind that there’s
only 20% probability that this would
happen. I have to take note, however,
that the banker’s offer is roughly
around 15% lower than the offer I
expected based on the arithmetic mean of
the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday : Accepting a deal for less than
the mean should generally be regarded as
a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!
Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at
kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong
episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin
ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go
ahead and choose 1 briefcase!
Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5
please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan
yan I would first like to thank
Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals,
Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up
and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to
thank a few people? I mean, I did save
us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng
mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang
go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to
thank Frank Provost for my hair and
make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and
my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my
gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at
nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show
kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si
Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa
kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of
Cartier for sending me these nice
earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng
Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]